does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
