____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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