found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
