You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
