What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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