I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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