Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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