i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We need to get me chipped asap
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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