I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
