Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
