The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
