I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Found your dick twin last night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
