Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He shit in the fireplace
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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