nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and she was petting her beer can
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
