Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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