I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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