No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
