everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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