The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
