After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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