P.S. I can't hear my feet
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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