i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
