So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
pop tarts are not kleenex
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
