Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
