Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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