I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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