Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
