So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
