super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
