So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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