i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
