I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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