last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
