Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
