Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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