I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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