there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
