i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
