so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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