the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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