Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
