Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
