It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
