i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
