I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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