Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Randomize
