you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
