She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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