Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
