just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
