If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
