You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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