At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
