So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
