i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
