i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
