he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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