Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
