There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
