your parents love me but you hate me
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
