wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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