Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
