When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
