when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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