from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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