i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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