he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
