I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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