I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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