I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
