do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
