I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
