Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
