That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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