We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
