My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
