people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
