Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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