i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
